Like everything in life, relationships take work.
Registered therapeutic counsellor Cher Sytsma of Safe Harbour Counselling and Wellness shares tips on creating healthy relationships, much of which comes from the feedback of her own clients.
Communication
Conflict often comes from miscommunication, whether married, dating or dealing with parents, children or friends.
“[Communication] is a problem for every single human on earth because we are all different,” said Sytsma. “If you’re not doing it well with your partner, get some help or find out how you can learn together to do that better because it will radically change your relationship.”
People often learn communication from their family of origin and have different lenses of perception, affecting how we communicate.
Have fun
In the day of business being held as a badge of honour, it’s important for couples to laugh and have fun together, said Sytsma.
Many date night ideas are available with a quick Google search, or Sytsma recommended a phone app called Gottman Card Decks, where more than a thousand flashcards provide conversation starters and other resources for relationship building.
Shared experiences
While common goals are important in a relationship, differing interests don’t mean doom. You can invest in shared experiences with your partner because you care about them.
“That’s part of giving in your relationship,” said Sytsma. “You don’t have to necessarily love the same things to still do some of the same things.”
If one loves to golf and the other doesn’t, try it out, laugh at how bad you may be and don’t take it too seriously, said Sytsma.
“That’s the ‘have fun’ part.”
Time apart
Sytsma reminds people in relationships that they’re still their own person with individual interests.
“Have space that is just for you, for your self-care.”
Forgive
“Forgive lots and let the little things go,” which Sytsma acknowledged may be hard to do, so remembering these suggestions are skills to learn and practise.
“They don’t just come easily. Marriage is work. Relationships are work.”
Sytsma recommended three books to help with relationships:
The 5 Love Languages: How to Receive and Express Love by Gary Chapman.
Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No, to Take Control of Your Life by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend.
Boundaries in Marriage: Understanding the Choices that Make or Break Loving Relationships by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend.
READ MORE: COLUMN: Do you feel like you’re failing at motherhood? Me too
